Lights, Camera, Action
How Mulan helped me understand my gender
Lights
I was in middle school when the news broke that Disney was releasing their next princess movie with a black princess. I was aware of the cultural relevance of this milestone. But since my family chose to not let me grow up watching Disney Princess movies I felt a little to no impact at the announcement. But when it arrived in theaters my mother and I bought a large popcorn and slush took a seat comfortably in the theater to watch. When It finished I was astonished by the beautiful scenery, the soundtrack that was just as catchy as the latest pop single on the radio. And the image of a black woman wearing a tiara was beautiful. But as I sat with the film days and a week afterward I started to realize something.
It didn’t resonate with me.
It didn’t help me put into perspective anything that I was experiencing as a young black girl in America, and that did not belittle anyone with whom it did resonate. With that realization sparked within me, I decided to seek out the rest of the princesses. Feeling broken for not having a favorite one or a connection with any. When I started watching all the Disney catalog as expected most were if nothing more, beautifully aesthetic to look at
Then something happened.
I watched Mulan.
I understand how at first glance when I am a very obviously black daughter of two black parents confessing that Mulan helped me understand my black existence can be strange. Hua Mulan is a legendary figure from ancient China who was originally described in a Chinese poem known as, “The Ballad of Mulan”. And through her story, I understood and continue to understand my black existence in these turbulent times.
Camera
For those who forget or don’t know the story of Mulan, this is strictly a discussion on the animated movie from 1998 Disney. And the overall summary goes like this.
“A fearful that her ailing father will be drafted into the Chinese military, Mulan (Ming-Na Wen) takes his spot — though, as a girl living under a patriarchal regime, she is technically unqualified to serve. She cleverly impersonates a man and goes off to train with fellow recruits. Accompanied by her dragon, Mushu (Eddie Murphy), she uses her smarts to help ward off a Hun invasion, falling in love with a dashing captain along the way.”
As I stated before this is not to belittle Princess and the frog or take away from its impact it’s still one of my favorite princess movies. I do genuinely enjoy watching it.
Also, art is subjective, so this is just my take.
In middle school, I got my period because of that my body seemingly overnight decided it was going to mature. So one day I woke up to curves, dips, breasts, and hips that lead me straight into parts of my society that I was neither aware of nor prepared to handle.
To this day I don’t think I will ever forget the look on my father’s face when I came into the living room with my typical shorts and shirt on. No bra of course because I didn’t own one at the time. The look of disgust and judgment on his face is something I often discuss with my therapist. But childhood parental trauma aside I started to experience something that too many young black girls are hyper-aware of. The intersection of, adultifcation and sexualization where society made a glass home for black girls to live in nice they hit puberty.
Adultification bias is a form of racial prejudice where children of minority groups, such as African American girls, are treated as being more mature than they actually are. By a reasonable social standard of development. This is just the standard definition and if you have some more questions google hs some great researches.
But to sum it up for my context I was a young girl who experienced a typical milestone in the development of any woman’s body, but because I was a young black girl I was seen as more grown than the other girls who reached that milestone. Because of that idea that I was already an adult at 5th grade the sexualization of my body started alongside it. Because I mean if I was an adult then I could participate in adult things right?
“Sexualization is to make something sexual in character or quality or to become aware of sexuality, especially in relation to men and women.”
From the way I walked, ate food, talked, wore clothes, it seemed everyone thought I was engaging in sexual activity. From my father to the boys at school, to my teachers. It was a strange pressure on my small shoulders. One that when I brought up to my mother she seemed to write off as just a part of my life and growing up. From that my perspective of being a woman or presenting any part of my body in any way to be feminine was tarnished. Wrapped in uncomfortable trauma. To combat that feeling of womanhood that made me uncomfortable I dived headfirst into the other side of the spectrum.
Manhood and masculinity.
I began wearing extremely baggy sports bras, and baseball caps. I tried my hardest to put on a masculine facade in hopes it would save me from the uncomfortable nature of being a black girl. I only showed interest in traditionally masculine things. I put away my dolls, stopped driving my barbie jeep. I went full method actor on their third oscar tour.
But even with my dedication and commitment
I found that I was still uncomfortable as well as feeling slightly empty. I am still at an urge to enjoy things seen as more feminine. Like painting my nails or wearing a skirt, pretty hair scrunchies, and so on.
But I locked those parts of myself away thinking I was helping myself.
Action
Princess and the frog are about a hardworking young black woman who slowly learns that life is about more than just working. It’s about family and love which is an amazing massage. One very well directed in the black community. Seeing as we are some of the most overworked people in America. But seeing that didn’t touch my little middle school self. I actually think I grew a much greater love for Tiana’s struggle to not be so tunnel vision and goal-oriented in my later years. Seeing as I’m in college now and every other day I’m asked. “What my plans were also with what I am doing to reach them”. And in middle school, it went clean over my snaggle tooth head. But when Mulan appeared on screen from the first two scenes struggled with being the hyper-feminine woman that her society expected her to be. So much so at this point, she tried to cheat. I was like
wait, this might be something.
After Mulan fails her bride test and is told that she will bring dishonor to her family I started to cry for the first time.
Because I decided to dive head first into masculinity a lot of my parents think there jobs to give free advice. Telling my mother how I was a disgrace of a daughter. Something for a while caused conflict in my family. They didn’t understand why I was doing what I was and I lacked the words to properly explain. That what I was doing was my way of coping with my way of maneuvering in this constructing part of our society.
Mulan’s dad then gets told that he has to go back into the military even though he’s older and very obviously wounded. She objects very publicly begging for him to be passed over but is reprimanded for not being in her place that they have for women. Her father even says he is disappointed in her fourth way she acts. When they are alone at home it’s okay to be yourself but when we are in public you need to conform. Later that day again she brings up to the family that he shouldn’t have to go. But again the father dismisses her with “I know my place it’s time you learned yours.” And then I cried again. Because even her father who until this point had been very accepting and open about how he realizes his daughter is different, reassuring her that is okay. But right now he just wanted his daughter to accept what is her reality so was everything he said before a lie does he really not accept her?
After fighting with her father she decided pretty brashly that in the middle of the night she was going to take her father’s place in the war. And I know there are a million better analyses about that scene so all I will say is I loved it when I first saw it and I still love it to this day. Her cutting her hair is often seen as a very feminine trade showing her full commitment to this. Amazing. I just kept thinking “Disney can’t be serious, they just let their princess cut her hair?” I thought it was going to be a fake-out but no she has short hair the rest of the movie.
So she rushes off to the war once there she does the only thing she thought she could do.
Participate in toxic masculinity.
And when I tell you shifted in my seat with my oversized shirt and baggy pants. Because just like her I took masculinity at face value. Like how most around me were taking femininity at face value. But they were both just extreme sides of both of them. Neither of them is the right representation but we aren’t there yet. After starting a riot in the middle of her camp. The head officer comes out to face Mulan off bat judging her. From that, another great scene both for setting up and for the morale of the story happens. The pole scene then “I’ll make a man out of you” All of the men try to climb the pole with just brute force with the perception of manhood but they all fail. Because manhood is more than just the toxic side like womanhood is more than the toxic side.
After “I’ll make a man out of you” is the next scene that made me cry
When Mulan was told by the leader that he can’t make a man out of her and she should just go home. At that moment she realizes she needs to drop this masculine facade. To complete her mission and make her father proud she had to realize that being n wasn’t just the toxic parts. So she goes back to the pole and uses the two weights as based anchors so she can finally be the first one to climb to the top of the pole.
And I cried…..Again.
Because at that moment I knew to be truly happy I needed balance. In my time of participating in toxic masculinity, I had found something I found joy in traditionally masculine things. But I can’t ignore the feminine things I loved either and if I wanted to be happy I need to move with the balance of the two. The scene at the lake where Mulan doesn’t want her body to be seen out of fear of being outed as a woman is mostly played for laughs. And they are funny laughs but I also saw myself in her struggle of having a body, not like others, and not wanting it to be judged. Halfway through the year, boys in my class became really into openly pointing out people’s bodies and all the changes they were undergoing. From that, the boys would slap and grab the buts of who they deemed to be on the higher side of the 1–10 judgment spectrum. Walking down the halls I shielded my body with that same fear. It just goes to show how art is subjective and you never know how it can relate to someone. I don’t think the animators thought that the comedic scene about men in a lake would resonate with a little 8th grader struggling with her identity. But it did.
After a trick by her dragon and cricket Mulan and her section is called to the front lines so they head out. A beautifully iconic montage later and bam. We are reminded that Mulan is in a war. Like this is a kid movie targeted to little girls when the princess is in a war. Then we get even more with the Han attacking right then and there They begin to fight but are quickly told to retreat but Mulan takes the last rocket thinking fast and aims it at the mountain to start an avalanche. She saves her friends then they save her right back. Before he passes out from a stab wound. Yeah, Disney went full war showing blood and their princesses passing out. But she is found out by the doctor and her section but since she just saved their lives they save her’s by leaving her. She’s all sad and starts to head home but sees the hun just of the snowlike zombies and heading to the main town.
When she goes to warn everyone but now that she looks visually like a woman everyone ignores her. When I was younger this scene just made me upset but watching it now as a woman in college. In a major where mostly men, white men are. And judge me for my painted nails and nicely curled hair. Talking over me because of those things. The hun attack taking the emperor hostage. The only way to get in is by doing what Mulan did earlier. Balancing femininity and masculinity. Dressing like women using the skills learned by the training. Side note they used the word “concubine” in a kids movie.
The fight sequence has been praised and broken down by far greater people than me. So I will only say this lastly when Mulan is at the end she pulls out the only weapon she has a fan. She laughed because how would you think anything related to women could save you in your time of need. But she uses that feminine tool with the skills she learned in combat to dis-arm and win the fight. I think about that moment a lot. In times of the past when I was subjected because of my femininity to when people tell me my femininity is still reason to objectively, erase, and or ignore my work. Laughed at for bringing acrylic nails to a sausage gathering.
Conclusion
Society tried to take me, my body, and shove it into a box that fit their preconceived notion of young black girls. In response, I tried to place myself in another box just as suffocating. The way we perceive black girlhood is agonizing, as well as the way it is an accepted part of our experience. It’s frightening
Watching Mulan showed me that To be happy I needed to balance myself because Mulan a woman is not just the sexualization and the trauma. The same as being a man is not just toxic masculinity.
Which brings us back to the title; “How Mulan helped me with my Gender”
I always knew that I was a woman. I was privileged enough to never feel like I was born in the wrong body. My struggles came from traumatic incidents being linked directly with that womanhood. I hated my body for so long and honestly, sometimes I still do. When I first saw Mulan I didn’t understand why cried so hard. or what afterward I started back painting my nails and still liked going to see superhero movies with my dad. Now that I’m older I re-watched it and finally understood. So thank you to Mulan for showing me that you can still be a princess even in combat boots.
